Although gratitude can exist as a feeling or mood, we are capable of cultivating more gratitude in our lives by becoming intentional about generating it and staying in its goodness.

Robert Emmons, a gratitude researcher, defines gratitude as “a sense of thankfulness and joy in response to receiving a gift, whether the gift be a tangible benefit from a specific other or a moment of peaceful bliss evoked by natural beauty.” Although gratitude can exist as a feeling or mood, we are capable of cultivating more gratitude in our lives by becoming intentional about generating it and staying in its goodness. Research offers many compelling reasons to do so. Gratefulness has been linked to greater health and well-being and is capable of preventing major diseases like heart disease. Studies have found that grateful teens not only have fewer physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, and runny noses, but also have more life satisfaction, are more optimistic, and feel more connected to friends and family.

Let’s take a look at four simple ways  we can ground ourselves and our family in gratitude more fully throughout this holiday season.

Set an Intention as a Family

An intention, particularly when it’s made as a family, helps ensure that your hopes are followed up with actions. An intention statement can simply be: “We, as a family, will generate gratitude for the goodness in our lives daily throughout the holiday season.” Perhaps you introduce the topic at a family dinner. Or try out a Family Meet Up within the Harmony at Home app to gather your family with an easy agenda to guide you. While you are meeting, you might also access some gratitude prompts or Conversation Starters within the app to help you focus on gratitude. When you hold your family discussion, be sure you ask family members how they would best like to think about gratitude daily. Be sure you are specific and if you need to, schedule it. When you decide on actions you’ll take together, you can work as a team and share ownership for grounding the season in gratitude.

Create Regular Pauses for Reflection

Did you know that a research study found that children who say grace or give thanks before or during meals develop more gratitude than their peers? Simply pausing when you sit down to eat together and appreciating the food you have, your own health and well-being, and your ability to savor time with one another can create a grateful mindset. Researchers also point to the fact that children who ask questions about where things come from and why they are the way they are can generate gratitude. One way to do this is by tracing the origins of your meal. You might ask: Where did our corn come from? Is it from an Ohio farm? If so, who was involved in the seeding and harvesting and where did it go from there? When doing that kind of reflection, you may realize that the corn on your plate was likely handled by ten or more people before it got to you. All of those people have jobs and families and hopes and cares and have impacted your life through their work. You may also consider other times of the day or family routines that may create opportunities for the gratitude pause like a longer road trip in the car, your morning commute, afternoon snack time, or bedtime.

Practice Identifying Emotions With Your Child

Research confirms that children’s understanding and ability to find gratitude by age five is strengthened when they have a better understanding of their own and others’ emotions. Why? It’s because gratitude is experienced as a feeling and children’s raised self-awareness contributes to better understanding their own sensations and interpretations of experiences. Use this holiday season as a way to begin doing daily feelings check-ins to help build your child’s emotional vocabulary. When you check in on feelings together, not only does your child get a chance to identify his/her own, but they also hear what you are experiencing. This builds their social awareness. Check out the Harmony at Home app for the daily feelings check-in, which prompts you with words and emojis to make it simple and fun! 

Cultivate a New Gratitude-Centered Family Ritual

Creating your own family ritual around gratitude sends a signal to all family members that gratitude is important and worthy of your reflective time together. Check out the Harmony at Home app’s Do Together: Creating a Gratitude Jar. Make your own gratitude tree where you bring in a large branch. Place it in a safe container, vase, or pot. Each day, family members can write what they are feeling grateful for in that moment and place the notes as leaves on the branches of your gratitude tree. With young children, you may work together and spend some time brainstorming ideas with questions such as: 

– Who do we love spending time with? (That could be one gratitude note).
– What’s our favorite activity to do at home?
– What pet or animal do we love?
– What do we love about our family?
– How do specific family members make our lives better?
– What friends do we appreciate and love to spend time with?

You’ll find that when you as a parent or caregiver become more intentional and reflective on the gratitude you are feeling, your family will follow. Children will learn from you, experience your feelings, and begin to feel and express more gratitude themselves. I cannot imagine a more important gift this holiday season in order to become more present to one another and truly appreciate all of the goodness the holiday season has to offer you and your family. 

About Jennifer S. Miller, M.Ed

For over thirty years, Jennifer Miller has worked with educators and families to help them become more effective with children and teens by understanding and supporting their learning and development. She authored and illustrated the book Confident Parents, Confident Kids; Raising Emotional Intelligence In Ourselves and Our Kids — from Toddlers to Teenagers and founded the organization by the same name twelve years ago growing an international platform through her blog with more than 24K followers in 152 countries world-wide and a diverse team of seven writers. She has worked with Harmony Academy over the past year to build Harmony at Home, a parent-child application for home-based skill building. She has served as a regular expert contributor to NBC’s TODAY Parenting, PBS, WNET, and Parent Magazine.